Sunday, January 24, 2010

False Pretenses

Little girls don't know how to be sweet girls.
Mama didn't teach me.
Little boys don't know how to treat little girls.
Daddy didn't show me.

Face down, on top of your bed.
Oh why did I give it up to you?
Is this how I shoot myself up high,
Just high enough to get through?

Again, the false affection.
Again, we break down inside.
Love save the empty.
Love save the empty, and save me.

Erin McCarley

I was talking with a woman recently when she expressed her frustration with men. She said that men get bored too easily and that she feels like women must hold back to create mystery or give in to sex to keep them. She said sex was too easy for men and went on to explain that she feels like ‘You have to give in to a home run for a guy to like you.’

This blew my mind. She is stunningly attractive, very sweet, and intelligent and possesses a great sense of humor.

So what is the problem?

She is dating the wrong kind of men.

It is all about respect. Respect yourself and demand respect from men.

Men that chase women and then drop them after sex are about the conquest. They need to keep their ego pumped up. Men are only as faithful as their options. The truth is that women have all of the power yet they don’t seem to realize this.

Ultimately, women are in control. They have what we want. Set the tone and the rules. Demand to be treated the way you want and deserve to be. Men will respect you and your choices or they won’t. If they don’t care enough to not rush, then they lose but you don't. Men who are in a hurry just want sex. If you mean anything to them they will take the time to get to know you and allow you to feel safe and comfortable. Sex can be a very personal, private, even sacred experience.

Most often sex complicates things, especially when you really don’t know the person. Most likely each of you has different expectations that you are unaware of. Personally, I want, expect and deserve more than just sex. I still think there is chase and intrigue if you want it. However, it takes self-control from both of you to achieve it.

There is something very sexy about being patient and cerebral, like in a chess game. The unknowing and the anticipation is stimulating. You must be persistent yet still allow opportunity to make the right moves at the right time.

If a woman jumps into bed with a man right away it most likely and hardly ever will progress or develop into anything else. Men know this. Easy in and easy out. If you have to work to get there you are more likely to stay.

There is something satisfying about knowing you can have someone but not doing so. You keep your dignity and respect and there is no failure of expectations while avoiding potential drama.

Why would you spend time, money and effort to put on a show to try to impress someone you hardly know if all you wanted was sex? A woman recently told me that her new boyfriend takes her out and they enjoy spending time together. I said that was great and that is what it is all about, enjoying each other’s company. She said most guys she has dated failed to do that. What!?

It baffles me that any women let this behavior fly. So if a man wants to do a little as possible to get sex then it is acceptable? On the flip side, I don’t think it is cool to make men jump through hoops and break the bank either. If you like someone then it is simple. I think it is wrong to want to always get something even if you are not that interested. The balance of give and take works for a reason. Really, why waste your time or theirs if it is not genuine?

In these situations, I think people put their best foot forward but it often seems fake to me. I think one needs to earn attention by showing true interest and spending time getting to know the other. To fully enjoy the dating process you must show mutual respect.

Unfortunate but true, most beautiful women are judged initially by their looks. If you don’t have much else to offer you will be treated with a shallow level of respect. If you have personality to back up your looks you will be treated with more respect. I am not talking about just being a ‘fun girl’. I mean real personality in the form intelligence, witty sense of humor, interests in anything with depth. Beautiful people often sell themselves short. Why develop other parts when they have never had to? When all the focus is on their exterior why not take the path of least resistance?

If you want to be a sex doll, be one but don’t pretend you are anything else. Don’t be offended if people judge you. If you want to blame society for pressuring you into having sex to keep a boyfriend, so be it. Society is not there when you decide to or not to have sex. No matter who you are be true to yourself and don’t apologize.

You project the way you think of yourself and that is the way others will treat you. If you want more, then be more and demand more.

Respect is something you earn.

By Trey Mitchell

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