You're sweet like I can't deny You say it to me and you only use your eyes So come here don't move I've got a lot heart growing heavier for you
The sparks in your touch I'm playing with fire You're never too much that I am entirely in Love is the worst you can't explain But once you feel it inside you're not the same I climbed so high that I can't find the air
Steve Moakler True Like Your Name
Do you remember where you were when the moment last struck you? That splinter of time when clarity and confusion blur into one. Calmness is jolted by loss of breath and vision loses depth. The back of the neck forces fear from every pore and a ripple runs through the exterior causing every hair to dance. Nausea explodes from the gut to the brain and back again. The entire body is shuddered at every beat until muteness agitates the ears. Acceptance scares fear then smothers agitation with assurance.
In the beginning, even before it starts there is a flash of too many emotions that cause anarchy in the brain. It might be the first time you ever speak to her or the monumental first ‘I love you’ when it seems like eternity waiting for a response. Anxiety releases adrenaline into the blood stream and sometimes those are the sweetest fractions of time.
I wonder about her demeanor after a long day at work, the expression that lights her face in a moment of joy, the color of her aura during a passionate kiss. I imagine the feelings of doing my laundry and finding one of her hairs entangled in a shirt as if clinging onto me while she is not in my presence. I daydream of rolling over and smelling her on my pillow case and knowing she was previously lying right beside me. I try to picture watching a movie together. Does she like to cuddle if the movie is sad or scary? Does she leave her underwear and toothbrush out? Would she enjoy drinking wine and conversing as I prepared a homemade meal for her?
Being true to my Gemini nature I question whether I believe in love anymore. After all, what is love? Is your definition of it the same as others'? Can you see it or hold it? Do we not consider love the physical or emotional act? Is it similar to a record where you own a physical container of music but never actually hold the songs? Is love not faith, trust and emotions? But to me that seems only our own physical interpretation of what we think love is.
Webster's defines it, movies portray it and songs cry out for it. So much time, money and effort devoted to love seems to be a manifestation of desire yet it still remains intangible. There exists an overabundance of dedicated and faithful followers for something we can never truly have. Is love something you can't live without or is it worth fighting or dying for?
Is love comparable to the human body's need of water and air or is it an unnecessary luxury such as a chocolate truffle? So while I dream about relationship bliss and the woman to share that with, I have to ask myself if what society is selling is a want or a need. No matter what, our individual definition of love must be defined before we truly understand what it is that we are yearning for. Whether real or mythical, supply tells us that there is enough for everyone if we demand that we find it.