Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sex by Number

We know men are promiscuous by nature. It’s part of the genetic makeup that originally helped men spread their seed. It was different for women, who had to go through having a baby and then nurturing it. Women are genetically programmed to want just one man to help raise their children.

Thus, the age old question always seems to arise at some point in most modern relationships: ‘How many partners have you had?’

So with this question in mind I researched to find the average number of sexual partners for men and women. The first statistic and most commonly found on the Internet states that the average number of sexual partners for men in USA is 11. Upon further research I found contradicting information.

A 2005 survey states the average number of sexual partners for women was 8.6. The average number for men was 31.9.

A 2007 survey states that 29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men.

In a 2008 survey 21 percent of the men and 15 percent of the women admitted they had lied and/or they had provided an inaccurate partner count.

So how can any of these surveys possibly reflect true average numbers?

At one point I actually found a calculator to tell you if you are over or under average in your respected sexual numbers:

So do men lie to inflate their sexual reputations or do women lie to downplay their sexual experience?

A man may believe that he should have a lot of partners and may feel compelled to exaggerate. However, a woman, believing that she should have fewer partners, may minimize her past.

Women are said to rely more on enumeration and most often are able to list each of their past partners by name which typically leads to underestimating while men tend to be more vague which leads to exaggeration.

So with all of this in mind, does the number of sexual partners have any bearing on a current relationship?

In my opinion nothing good can come of this discussion. The past can cloud the future so why ruin a mostly sunny forecast?

It is the snowball effect. First you compare numbers, and then you open the door for more curiosity on every level. More and more questions come to mind and suddenly insecurities arise. The past may be the pathway that lead to where you are now but the now is more relevant to the future.

Sex is not a competition. You neither win nor lose with a higher or lower number of partners. It never worked out with anyone you were previously with or you would still be with them. Focus on the one you are with and develop, explore, experiment and revel in every moment. There is no point in missing what you already had when you might be missing out on what you have right now.

No matter what the number, if you count backwards you still reach number one. That is who you are with now and who doesn’t want to be number one!?

by Trey Mitchell

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