I Fall In Love All The Time

Love
· Pronunciation: \ˈləv\
· Function: noun
· Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu
· a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
· any object of warm affection or devotion or admiration
· have a great affection or liking for
· used as terms of endearment
· get pleasure from
· a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction


I fall in love all the time…in my head.

I know better to let my heart get involved. It is a long uphill climb on a slippery slope. When I ask myself what I want in a woman it is easier to answer what I don’t want. I have had what I don’t want. After all these years of long dead end roads, I could easily feel nothing. Yet I still have a romantic hidden inside, curled up naked protecting that dream of love.

When I was younger I believed in ‘movie love’. Now that I am older and have experienced many attempts to discover that elusive love, I know that it does not exist. Although, I do believe in a realistic form of it is possible to achieve.

Do you remember young love in high school when you never wanted that last goodnight kiss to end? When you could talk on the phone for hours about anything and nothing at all? To get a love note was such a personal rush and to finally declare that you were ‘going with’ someone was a monumental thrill!

In adult form, these situations of emotional bliss still prevail. To get an unexpected text, email or voice mail ‘just to say hello’ is just as invigorating as finding that three cent prize in the bottom of that caramel coated popcorn. And that was when you were already I on a sugar high!

So often it is the little things that mean so much. Let's say you are out of town and you stop at a little country store or even a truck stop and you buy some cheap little trinket to give her upon your return. It makes her laugh and she knows that you were thinking of her. Or maybe you are meeting new people and you have a great conversation you can’t wait to tell her about later. The last thing you want to hear is her voice before you go to sleep. And I could go on...

It surprises even me that I am missing things that I have only been privileged enough to have a glimpse of. I must believe in real love or I have nothing to hope for. Does wishing for more money, a better job, a new car or a big house really bring happiness? When you are dying will you be telling stories on your death bed about that one summer in your mid thirties when you and your convertible Mercedes spent so much time cruising with the top down blaring ‘your song’? I don’t think so.

One of my new favorite quotes is “Life is not measured by the breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away.” Is it so wrong to want to share irreversible and irreplaceable moments in time with someone so special that you can’t imagine your life without them?

I know that there are beautiful, intelligent, genuine women with a great sense of humor that at the same time have self-worth, come from good families and want but don't need to be in a relationship. I have met a few. Unfortunately, someone had already shown them how amazing they are by expressing respect and love for them.

I know some men relish in the idea of living the endless bachelor life of only responsibility for them. I wonder if the quick fix of the next woman they conquer is not just as much an addiction. Just as the aging rocker uses drugs and sex to constantly relive up the high of the adoration of thousands of people he doesn’t even know. Isn’t the short intense rush of cotton candy nothing in comparison to a full meal that satisfies you for much longer?

When most of us were younger we had little knowledge and no fear. I hardly knew that the word consequence existed. In my mind, there was no failure and certainly no pain. Thinking usually occurred after the action. As we get older what were simple decisions are now convoluted with more choices and most often even larger consequences for our actions.

From experience, I know that giving everything to the wrong person is worse than giving to no one at all. I think to be not alone, but with you is one of the most beneficial and courageous things we can do. I know in the end I just need to start with the basics...to be with someone that accepts me as I am and vice versa.

It sure has seemed like a ghost hunt thus far...but maybe I am starting to believe in ghosts.

By Trey Mitchell

Not All Bags Ride for Free

I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

All we are we are

And every day is a start of something beautiful

All We Are - Matt Nathanson

We all have baggage. Some have more than others. I don't think you ever get over some things but you learn how to deal with them. It is freeing to leave some things behind. Knowing where, why and how is the key.

Life is constantly throwing us curve balls. We try to keep things in perspective and under control but there are always things we can’t control. So we learn to deal with the unexpected. Sometimes the unexpected brings situations that result in unwanted feelings. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Often people in our lives disappoint us. However, you can’t change people but you can change your reaction to them.

If you have lived life at all, you have experienced the extreme highs and lows. Unfortunately, lows are part of life but we can gain strength from it. There is something heroic about overcoming adversity. It builds character. I would rather bear the load of knowledge than run with the lightness of inexperience.

I had four years that crushed me emotionally, physically and financially. I wanted to move away to start over. I thought maybe out West or even Europe. I needed to clear my head and just shed all the places and things that reminded me of the most recent and worst years of my life. But thankfully fear of the unknown kept me in one place long enough to realize that no matter where you run to the baggage goes with you. So I decided to stay and sort my life out so I could get a fresh start when I was ready. I am glad I did since it took me longer to clean the slate than I would have even imagined. You have the keys to lock away the past.

I had never been to California before and it was one of the few states I had not been to. I went two weekends back to back. The first was to Southern California to make some serious decisions about my future and the next was to Northern California to clear my head and make a plan as a result of my choices. Sometimes a different perspective allows us to see things in more clearly.

During that second weekend in California I played out different scenarios. Would it be healthy to leave my support network of friends and family? Was it smart to try to start over all on my own in a new city looking for a new job with no friends? Did I need to be alone to regain my life? Isolation is not always the answer. Why try to start over and take unresolved issues with you?

Not all bags ride for free. Think of a relationship as a one passenger plane. Yet a relationship usually consists of more than one person. There is only enough room for luggage or the other passenger. So what if there is too much baggage to leave it behind? There is always a choice and usually a sacrifice.

Be comfortable with who you are and make peace with where you have been. Forgive yourself and others. You have to release negativity or it will eat you up inside. Life is short, blame is lame. Some things change you forever but you can control if it is for the better or worse. You can choose to see things positively or not. It is amazing how resilient we have the ability to be. Experiences can make you richer than money can.

Today does not know yesterday; tomorrows are not built on what would have, could have or should have been.

By Trey Mitchell